Encouragement to My Sister

Dear sister,

                I know what you’ve been going through lately. These words I’m going to give to you are for a little bit of encouragement because I know you've heard this over and over again, from me and many others. Let me tell you a recent experience I’ve had to get my point across.

                I’ve had a teacher the past two semesters who has always caught my attention because he is so in love with the Lord and he shines God’s light very brightly. I didn’t know him that well last semester but this semester I had the privilege of getting to know him, his life, and his testimony better. He always shares his present and past trials with us. He speaks so often of his love for his wife, but even more often of his love for God and God’s love for him. He is a man after God’s own heart. He is truly a God-fearing man. He has shared with us the story of how he met his wife a few times, but the other day I had the chance to meet her and hear her tell the story.

They didn’t get married until they were in their 40’s. She said around the age of 30 she prayed to God, asking him why she was still single. She told God she didn’t understand, that she had been doing all the things she was supposed to do but yet still wasn’t married. God told her, “Because you have been the one choosing the guys. Wait on me and I will give you someone worth waiting for.” He assured her that none of the previous men where suitable for her anyways. She then made a vow to wait on the Lord and his timing. She started seeking the Lord and his will for her love life, instead of her own. They both met during their 40’s and within a year of dating were married. They are now one of the most God glorifying, in love with God and with each other, couples I’ve ever seen. They both consider each other such a huge blessing.

When we asked her what one piece of advice she would want to pass down to us, she told us, “to wait on the Lord.” She continued to explain how important it was to let God lead your life, especially your love life. I talked to a few of the girls that where there with me and we all agreed that if we wait that long to get married and we end up with a great guy like her husband, then it is so worth it.

I hope this story is as much of an encouragement to you as it was to me and the others that got to hear it. Now, note from this story, when she made a commitment to wait on God, she didn't immediately get her husband. She didn't get him till about 10, or so, years later.  Wait on the Lord. Pursue God in your time of singleness. Trust in him. Work on falling in love with him. Remember also, God’s timing is not our timing. We may think we are ready to fall in love with a guy, but God may not think so. Maybe because we aren’t mature enough, maybe because God has a few things he wants us to do during our singleness first, we we’ll never know in this life. I know you've heard things like this multiple times, but sometimes we need reminders, I know I sure needed this because I often try to take my love life into my own hands. I quickly become selfish wondering why all my friends around me are getting married and I'm not, but I have to remember to give it to God and wait on him.

Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. Seek his face always. I love you and I am praying for you, my sweet sister in Christ.

Love in Christ,

Ashley

Christ's Attitude vs. The World's

Today’s world puts a big emphasis on being successful, having power or money, having fame, and doing whatever it takes to get that. Everything tells us to go for it or to do something to make us stand out. We hear all the time “go on, you deserve it”. There is so much telling us that we need to look out for ourselves and our own feelings first, and what we want. I used to be like that. It was all about me. I came first. Sometimes I would put my friends first just because I wanted them to like me, or wanted them to feel like they needed me in order to make them feel important, but for the most part it was about me. And now I have to fight really hard to not make everything about myself. I am changed because of Christ, but my sinful heart continues to try to bring me back to where I was. The media definitely intensifies my sinful nature’s desires too. My selfishness is something I continually have to battle with, using as my weapon scripture, prayer, and the remembrance of what Christ has done for me. Philippians 2:1-11 is a great part of scripture that explains the humility of Christ. Because we are not our own and because we were bought at a price, our life is God’s and we need to give it to him completely. Christ did that. Philippians 2:5 “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...” and it goes on to explain the kind of attitude we should have because we are not our own, which is opposite of what the world says.

Sharing the Good News

Reading Francis of Assisi and Watchman Nee I came to a huge realization about my faith and how I came to Christ, which I won’t get into, but let’s just say it was a huge encouragement and it helped me understand some things that are important. 

Honestly I’m not really sure the last time I actually “shared the Good News” as in like the Roman Road or anything, but this past week I've had a lot of opportunities to talk to my brother (an agnostic who recently became curious about religion and now isn't sure what he believes) about the true love of God and some about what being a Christian really means. 

I know I need to become better at evangelism but I hesitate with it because I would much rather show my faith with actions, not words. Yes actions are important, but I know there are times when you need to straight up talk about it. 

Steps to take in order to be more faithful in this area would be number one: ask God for help. Ask him for conviction of when to open my mouth. Ask for distinction of when to speak and when to listen. Ask for help to know when to stop doing, and when to start a conversation. Then number two: be very sensitive to the Holy Spirit and wait for a command; listen and pay attention to him. Also if he is calling me to do something, to be faithful and disciplined and do what it is he tells me to do. I can ask for God’s help all I want, but if I’m stubborn and selfish and not willing to actually do the work I would not be obeying my Father and his commands.

Jeremy Taylor-Question 2 (Praise and Attention)

Jeremy Taylor’s list of rules to exercise humility is intense. Reading this whole thing opened my eyes to many things and convicted me hard core. Many of the rules were hard for me because I can be prideful in areas of my life, but many of the rules are also easy for me because I tend to think lowly of myself.

If I had to choose the rule that is easiest for me to follow I’d choose rule number eleven, “When you are slighted by someone, or feel undervalued, do not harbor any secret anger, supposing that you actually deserved praise and that they overlooked your value, or that they neglected to praise you because of their own envy.” This is probably easiest for me to follow because most of the time I don’t like it when people praise me for things. I don’t like it when people give me attention or honor. I like playing in the background unnoticed.

On the other hand, the rules, hands down, hardest for me to follow would be the two similar ones, numbers six and ten. Six reads, “Never say anything, directly or indirectly, that will provoke praise or elicit compliments from others… do not let praise for yourself be the design of your conversations.” Ten reads, “Some will speak lowly of themselves in order to make others give an account of their goodness.” Although I like playing the background and I hate attention or praise, every now and then when I start feeling worthless or unimportant, instead of listening to what God says about me, I start fishing for compliments, especially from people I look up to. I absolutely love it when people that are important to me give me compliments. I became aware of this in high school and I've been working on it since. I've gotten better at not doing it, but it still happens sometimes.

Jeremy Taylor- Question 1 (Ashamed and Encouraged)

I have had many opportunities to be ashamed of my birth and of my economic position growing up, but for some reason I always seemed to look at the positive side of things. I grew up in non-Christian and poor family with an alcoholic father and a rebelling brother. My brother, mom, and dad were always negative and pessimistic so I felt as if I needed to be the positive, peppy, cheerful person in the house to bring the mood up.  There would be times were I would be alone and I’d become upset, or days when I let it get to me and I would complain or be ashamed, but for the most part I was pretty ok with it all.

                Taylor also writes about not being ashamed of your parents, now that is one thing I still have trouble with. I love my dad, I really do, but I am tremendously ashamed of his alcoholism. I don’t mind talking about it or sharing it with people, but I would never ever want anyone to meet or see my dad while he has been drinking. I honestly am not sure how to overcome being ashamed of it either.

                I am encouraged by my background in the fact that I learned a lot because of it. I had to grow up quicker than most kids, I learned how to take care of myself, I learned how to be the mediator and peacemaker in situations, I learned how dangerous alcohol and pride is, etc. I witnessed a lot of bad examples of things too, like I learned how not to treat your spouse and how not to treat your children. Because of my home life I also learned what true love is and that God is enough. When you feel completely alone and have nothing left and you see even a glimpse of hope or someone caring for you, you reach for that with everything you have. I’m lucky that God stuck his hand out to me when he did and pulled me close to him. It is encouraging to see how far I have come from when I first fell in love with my Heavenly Daddy, to how much more I'm in love with him now.

Live Out Love

For this assignment I chose some scripture from 1 John 3 and 4. I learned a lot about love and being intentional on showing your love.  

1 John 3:16—“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”

1 John 3:18—“…let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

I truly do love and care about people, but I don’t always show it. I’m really bad about not being intentional and I’ve come to discover that it’s because I love myself more than I love others. Yes I do care for others, just not enough as I should because I tend to put my needs first. And I definitely do not live like I love my brother and sisters enough to lay down my life for them. This approach changed my understanding of this passage because I’ve always read love others, love your brother, love your enemies, but I’ve never read it like this. The only difficulty I faced was the hardcore conviction I received from these verses. I think the benefit I got from this approach was what I learned, and what I’m still learning. This is definitely something I’m going to have to chew on for a while and mindfully apply it to my life every day this next week, month, or however long it takes me to get into the routine of being intentional.

Works Overflowing from Faith

Jones understands conversion as a gift from God. It’s something that we can never gain by works, but something we must accept by faith. He says that works, or disciplines, are important but that they are not the center of your salvation, they actually derive from your salvation. “Discipline is the fruit of conversion—not the root.” Unlike Jones’ thinking, most people seem to think that the harder they work, the more they love, and the more they try to live like Christ, the stronger of a Christian they are.

Jones’ way of thinking is more bionically based. Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can get to the Father, but by me.” Faith in Christ is the only way to gain salvation. On the other hand “faith without works is dead”. Therefore if we are not doing works, if we are not practicing the disciplines, what we once believed in no longer stands because our faith would be dead. There is a balance you have to find between having faith and having works and letting your faith be the reason for your works.

Continuous Worship in the Midst of Living

I absolutely loved these excerpts from Thomas Kelly. He explains a genuine internal spirituality very well. He hits on the fact that we should have our minds constantly focused on God and we should continuously be in prayer throughout the day, but we should also be engaging in our normal day to day routine. Like we should be interactive and doing everything, but in our minds and hearts be dwelling with the Lord. “Walk and talk and work and laugh with your friends. But behind the scenes, keep up the life of simple prayer and inward worship”. Kelly also focuses on how this is a practice that we have to get used to. “A practicing Christian must above all be one who practices the perpetual return of the soul into the inner sanctuary”. He goes on to talk about how it’s hard at first to get used to this mindset and that we will mess up, but we just have to continue going back to God. We need to ask for forgiveness and then try again.

The Influence of Faith

According to William Law, our faith should have influence in every area of our lives. Whether it’s the conversations we have, the way we spend our time, in our behavior, how we use the talents we have, and what we do with our money, etc., all of it should be in devotion to God.

My faith probably has most influence in my life through the way I treat my family. Of course I’m not perfect and sometimes I do things that aren’t Christ-like, but for the most part I strive to shine my light to them so they can see God’s love through me. I yearn so much for them to know the Lord like I do so I try to constantly keep myself in check and my mind on God when I am around them.

The Reality of the Relationship

I definitely believe it is really easy for an individual who is actively engaged in vocational ministry to be struggling in their relationship with Christ. Just because someone works in a church doesn’t mean they are walking along side God. Number one, people can be very fake and not even care to have an intimate relationship with Christ. Number two, people get busy with things and sometimes push God aside, whether on accident or purpose, and they fill their time with those things instead of striving to fall more in love with Jesus. People also get lazy. They don’t feel like reading their Bible or praying, or they would much rather do other things. People who work in vocational ministry are still people. People are human. Humans are sinful. Humans are selfish. It doesn’t matter if they work in a church or not, they are still capable of falling into these things. Satan may even try to attack them more with these things because they have such an influence on the church.

It’s also very dangerous for ministers to start to become lazy, selfish, or too busy because it’s so easy to slip and they play such a role in the church. They need to continue to strive to live like Christ. They need to daily pursue a deep relationship with God. They should be falling more and more in love with God every day, even the really hard days. This is how they stand up to this reality. This is how we all fight Satan. Daily, hourly, constantly seeking God’s face and seeking to please only the Lord. By being a God fearer, but being in love with Him too.

Division and Politics

I think that churches should be accepting of some differences, but on biblical important doctrines and practices they shouldn’t waiver. Example: Cooperation should continue even if some people like contemporary music and some like traditional. Example: Division should happen if there is a difference in believing that you can only get to heaven through Christ.

Honestly I don’t know much about politics and I’m just now learning about what makes Baptists, Baptists, but politics should not be used in the church if they don’t line up with things in the Bible. I’m not really sure what kind of politics are needed, if any at all, to further an agenda that someone believes is biblically important.

Baptist History: 2 Remaining Principles

One principle that has been around since the beginning of Baptists and is still relevant today is the fact that a high amount of money they raise goes towards missions. The First National Baptist Convention was formed to help with international missions and Annie Armstrong led the Lottie Moon offering early on. We still have things like this to go towards missions, but now we have a huge amount of people and organizations raising money.

Another principle that we still have is the formations of committees. In 1917 was the formation of an Executive Committee and in 1918 was a formation of the Annuity Board. We still have things like this today. We have pastor search committees or we have revival committees or a number of others. They have always been formed to be the main people that organize things, get things started, pray or prepare for things, and many other things.

Meaningful Prayer

George Buttrick writes a wonderfully vivid guideline to prayer life. I believe that I have a good balance between a formal and formless prayer life, but I feel like I leave some things out. When I first started having a prayer life I followed the CHAT acronym which taught me the basics on praying along the lines of confessing, honoring, asking, and thanking. Now when I pray I seem to have a decent order to things, but I’ve never thought about the self-preparation stage or the resolve we should have after confessing. Also I feel as if I hit all the high points when I pray but mostly out of practice, not really understanding specifically what each step meant or why I do them. A strategy that I’m going to try and adopt to improve my prayer life is, in all honesty, I think I’m going to make a chart like Buttrick mentions to make sure I get everything in and don’t forget anything or anyone; using it as a guideline without making it too formal.  I’m also going to continue to study the meaning behind each stage.

Living More Effectively

There isn’t any part of my time that I would like to be more effective in, but continuously throughout the day. I strive to be a light during the day as in encouraging and loving. I try really heart to let the joy I have in my heart overflow into others. This is good, but I would like to speak more truth. I’m a people pleaser and a push over so I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. When there is something going on or something said that I don’t agree with I don’t speak up as much as I should. I also don’t share what God is doing in my life enough, and I hardly ever ask anyone what God is doing in their life because I’m afraid of the answer. How am I trying to fix this? I’ve been praying for God to give me courage to be audacious, and to keep this on my mind all throughout the day since I often forget. I’ve also been trying to keep my eyes open to opportunities to do so.

“It has well been said that truth without love is brutality, but love without truth is hypocrisy. Little children do not know how to blend truth and love. They think that if you love someone, you must shield him from the truth if knowing the truth will hurt him. It is a mark of maturity when we are able to share the truth with our fellow Christians, and do it in love. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Prov. 27:6)”. – Warren W. Wiersbe (The Bible Exposition Commentary)

My passion for Christ impacts my studies in a huge way, but it hasn’t always. It’s not that I hated doing my work, it’s just that there were many other things that I would’ve rather done. Before I started school this semester I was asked if I truly believed that God had called me to ETBU. I said that I did. They went on to explain how if I truly believed that then doing my homework, studying for tests, preparing for class, and getting enough sleep was an act of worship. That definitely changed my whole perspective on the way I looked at school. Now, not every time, but for the most part when I do my work or prepare for class I look at it as something God has called me to do, and in doing it I am bringing Him glory and praising Him. Don't get me wrong, I can still get lazy or selfish and not want to do my work, but that is a huge motivation for me. I want to make my heavenly Daddy look at my time spent and smile.

Prayer and Preparing (I am an Idiot)

One of my favorite things to do is to get up early and spend about an hour just God and myself before my day starts, so this assignment didn’t seem like it would be that difficult to me. I even like solitude. I love getting up before anyone I live with is awake. I love separating myself from my friends, from the world, and just chillin’ alone with God. Also I normally prepare myself for church before I go anyways, so I really didn’t think there would be much of a difference in this assignment and my normal life. Though, recently in the past few days, I have let myself become too busy to spend much time in solitude, which has made my communication with God suffer. Getting up early and going to the church to pray yesterday was not a problem; it was once I started praying that was. I had noticed since about Wednesday that I wasn’t connecting with God like I normally do, and I hate to admit it but I knew why: I wasn’t giving Him enough time. 

Even though I had noticed this I continued to fill my time with hanging out with friends, doing homework, or sleeping. I let my selfishness consume my heart. Yesterday morning woke me up to the fact that I am being an idiot. Admitting this is embarrassing, but even still this morning I didn’t not get up and give God time. I am definitely devoting my afternoon to spending one on one time with my Daddy. Henri J. M. Nouwen said, “… we realize that a day without solitude is less ‘spiritual’ than a day without it.” It’s crazy how much of difference there is in my days that I wake up and hang out with God, than in the days that I don’t. It’s crazy how not spending a few days with the Lord can make me feel so empty. I guess that just goes to show how much I constantly need to be filled up by God.

“Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.” –Psalms 86:11-13

What a Smack in the Face

While reading John of the Cross and trying to figure out which virtue I was most in need of I couldn't choose one at first. I literally read it saying “I struggle with none of these.” I finished reading and decided to take another look at each of these: humility, simplicity, contentment, peace, moderation, joy, strength. I thought there must be something I am in need of. That’s when God smacked me in the face, and honestly I’m having a really hard time finding words to describe what happened in my heart. I realized how prideful I truly am and how much humility I really need. Even looking at the thoughts I had towards this reading I can see how prideful I am. I have never thought of myself as prideful, but I am very much so. Not really with the way I speak or the way carry myself, but definitely with the way I think. What an epiphany… Literally the way I view myself has completely changed. Wow.

A Classmate's Blog

Looking through blog’s for Ministry Formations I came across one that really grabbed my attention. As I was reading Cody Walker’s blog about the three things he desires most from God my heart dropped. The very first sentence is “The thing that I have desired from God the longest is for my dad to know him.” When I read that a knot formed in my stomach because I think I know how he feels. As I mentioned in what I desire most from God, my dad is not a Christian either. Reading Cody’s blog was very inspirational because he has so much hope for his dad. He says “I believe that one day my dad will, it just has to be God’s time.” I do pray for my dad, but I don’t always believe that his heart can change. I know I need to have faith. I know I need to believe when I pray. I just don’t. My prayer right now is that I would believe and have hope that my dad will be saved as I pray for his heart to be broken for God.

The Enemy's Greatest Fear

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8

Satan is constantly looking to attack us. Ignatius compares Satan to a commander of an army that “pitches his camp, studies the strength and defenses of a fortress, and then attacks it on its weakest side”. Like a house cat trying to catch a bird, Satan crouches in the shadows, and as soon as we aren’t paying attention he pounces. His greatest fear is for him to be caught, especially by someone aside from his victim. To help instill this fear into him, in my life, I seek wise counsel from fellow believers my own age and from older mentors in my life. I have people holding me accountable and checking in on me often. When I’m being tempted, struggling, or even if I’m trying to prepare my heart I ask for prayer from others and pray with others. As long as I stay alert, on guard, and continue to have accountability in my life the enemy will live in fear instead of the other way around.

What I Desire

What I desire most from God is a very complicated question to answer. Most of what I desire is very selfish because I am very selfish. Also what I desire may change on a day to day basis depending on my mood or if my passions change. Right now the top three things I desire from God are:

1. That God would give me a burning passion for people I do not personally know. I have a hard time truly caring about people that I haven’t met, or that I don’t know very well. For example, I have a huge difficulty with praying for other countries or states, and praying for people that my friends tell me to pray for. Like when I try to pray for world hunger, for the president, or for my friend’s coach’s sister who has cancer it’s always half-hearted… or no hearted. I pray that God would put a passion for everyone He has placed on this earth in my heart. I pray that I would love them like He does.
2. I pray that God would bring to my attention the “little” sins I commit and that He would burden me with them. All sin is equal, but in this world we make certain sins not as big of a deal, like thinking negatively about someone, idolizing our friends, or doing things out of selfish ambition. Most of the time I go throughout the day doing many of these, and more, without even realizing it. I pray God brings all of these things to my attention and burdens me with them that way I can’t just selfishly shake them off and repeat them.
3. I pray that God helps me truly believe that He can do anything. Sometimes I doubt. Especially in the fact that He can save everyone from hell. I wish my brother and my earthly father would accept God into their lives and follow Him. I know God can change their hearts, but I have issues believing that. I pray for God to break their hearts for Him, but only half the time I am praying with true belief that He can. It’s really hard to believe with my dad being “set in his ways” and having the most hardened heart I’ve ever seen in my life.

These are three of the things I desire for God. I really do pray for these things and I will continue to pray for these things.

God's love

The love that God has for me, a dirty sinner, makes me love Him and others so much more. Knowing that my heavenly Daddy created me and cares so much for me, how could I not love Him back? I love others because God does, and He calls us to do so. Of course because I am human sometimes I become very selfish… actually a lot of the time. In these times I put myself above the love I have for my Father and for others, but I still love them. I have to constantly remind myself throughout the day of what God has, and is, doing in my life. When I renew my mindset and focus back on God I start living for Him again and loving Him and others.

Matthew 5 (2 commands)

One of the commands that Jesus gives in Matthew 5 that is very important to me is to rejoice and be glad when persecuted. First off, if I truly believe that God is more than enough for me then I wouldn’t really care if I had the approval of men. Second, Jesus says in this same passage how blessed I am to be persecuted. Third, Jesus Himself and all kinds of His disciples we persecuted in the Bible for speaking truth, stepping on toes, and trusting in the Lord. If I am to be persecuted then apparently I am doing something like what they did, which is a great honor to even be remotely compared to them.

Another command that is important to me is that we are told to love our enemies. Matthew 5 talks about how everyone loves those who love them, but it would really say something about the God we say we follow if we loved everyone, especially our enemies. There is plenty more scripture that tells how important love is.  One of the many examples is 1 John 4:8, “Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love.” This is something I feel like the Lord has definitely been teaching me the past year, and He has definitely allowed me to teach many others what I’ve learned about this.

For both of these commands, if I were not to follow them, what would I be showing to others about the God I say I serve? Not doing these would make my amazing God look bad. People that don’t personally know the Lord do not know anything about Him and how great He is. If I come in contact with them and say I serve the Lord and I live for Him then how I act and the words I speak have a huge effect on their opinion of God. This can be a wonderful thing, or a very deadly thing depending on what I display. Therefore both of these commands, and all the others, are very important to live out.

Matthew 5

Matthew 5 has many commands that Jesus has given us. A few are:

1.       Rejoice and be glad when persecuted. (vs. 12)

2.       Be salt to the world. Just as seasoning makes the best flavors stand out in food, we should stand out from the world by living differently. (vs. 13)

3.       Shine our light to the world. (vs. 16)

4.       Don’t murder. (vs. 21)

5.       Don’t be angry with a brother. (vs. 22)

6.       Don’t commit adultery. (vs. 27)

7.       Don’t even lust at all. (vs. 28)

8.       Don’t casually make vows or take oaths when you know you won’t keep them. (vs. 33-37)

9.       Do good to those who wrong us. (vs. 38-42)

10.   Love your enemies. (vs. 44)

'Little Christs'

Macedonia Baptist Church is my home church. With the new school year coming around the corner us youth leaders have been very persistent in reminding the students to be a light. My youth minister has hit a lot on the subject of being that Christ-like model throughout their different schools. They have been learning how they may run into kids that don’t know much about Christ so they have to be a great example of Him. The students are learning and preparing to be ‘little Christs,’ as C.S. Lewis puts it. Learning how to do this will help them more than just in school. It’s a lesson needed to be learned and used for their entire lives. Whether in school, at home, at work, or hanging out with friends they need to be ‘little Christs’.

Giving ALL

The most difficult thing about giving all to God, in my life, is the fact that I am selfish. I want to do what I want to do, and when I want to do it. I don’t want someone else to lead me, and I sure don’t want someone to try and pull me out of my comfort zone. If I have my mind focused on something I don’t want to get side tracked by doing something else along the way either. If I give my time to God, then it isn’t my time anymore and it isn’t up to me how I spend it. If I give my love to God and choose to love how He loves, then I don’t get to pick who I want to love– He does. If I give my days to God then I don’t get to plan them the way I want to and I don’t get to do what I want to; I do what He tells, or has told, me to do. If I give my interests to God, if they aren’t pleasing to Him, He is going to change them. Therefore, if I like to tell perverse jokes or long after guys He will definitely put that to an end.

This is the reason we are called to die to ourselves daily. This is the reason I have to give ALL to God. This is the reason I have to constantly repent and renew my mind. What I want is not at all what God wants. I alone am a very selfish person. My sinful nature brings up desires in me that ONLY God can help me overcome.